Moments
by Cyclone
Summary: Where does the Heart turn for emotional support?
1. A Moment of Guilt

Title: A Moment of Guilt (1/1)  
  
Author: Cyclone  
  
Feedback: Please be gentle.  
  
Distribution: Gimme credit and a link. Plus, archived at http://fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=62966  
  
Rating: I'm gonna go say PG.  
  
Spoilers: Up to Becoming 2.  
  
Disclaimer: The characters depicted herein belong to other people. I'm just borrowing them for a while.  
  
Summary: Where does the Heart turn for emotional support?  
  
Author's Note: This idea just struck me, so I thought I'd jot it down.  
  
* * *  
  
*I lied to her. I lied to her, and she sent Angel to hell, and now she's who-knows-where, facing who-knows-what. I should have told her.*  
  
Those were his thoughts as he walked up to his house. He fished his key from his pocket and fitted it into the lock. To his surprise, the door swung open freely.  
  
*What the...?* he wondered. He went on full alert and stepped in cautiously.  
  
He listened carefully and heard noises coming from the kitchen. Licking his lips -- and ignoring the voice that said, "Get Buffy!" -- he peered through the kitchen doorway... and blinked.  
  
"Leo?"  
  
"Huh?" squawked the man with his head under the sink, sitting up in surprise...  
  
CLANG!  
  
...or trying to, anyway.  
  
"Oh, Jesus," Xander rushed over and crouched beside the man as he pulled himself out and rubbed the bump on his head. "Leo? Are you okay?"  
  
Leo Wyatt was the Harris family handyman. Xander's parents -- being the type who spent all their money on alcohol -- decided it was cheaper to hire Leo rather than a company or specialist for repairs around the house.  
  
"Yeah," he said, still rubbing the growing lump. "Yeah, I'll be fine, Xander."  
  
"I'm sorry," Xander said.  
  
"Don't worry about it," Leo shook his head. "I've been hurt worse."  
  
"All right," Xander smiled. "What are you doing here, Leo? Is the sink acting up again?"  
  
Leo glanced apologetically at the sink, "Yeah, it kind of is. Don't worry; I've got it under control."  
  
Xander nodded absently, "Good to hear."  
  
He frowned, looking at Xander's expression, "Are you all right?"  
  
"Yeah, Leo, I'm fine," Xander said unconvincingly.  
  
"Don't give me that," Leo snorted. "Now what's wrong?"  
  
Xander thought hard for a moment. He liked Leo, and the handyman had always been willing to lend a sympathetic ear... but this? Leo would think he was _nuts_ if he started talking about vampires and demons.  
  
Finally, he sighed and said, "I... lied to a friend of mine, and she ran away a few days ago because of something she did because of what I said. I-I'm worried about her."  
  
"It's okay to be worried," Leo said, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "And you shouldn't feel guilty. I know you, Xander, and I know that you could never intentionally hurt someone you care about. Whatever you said, you said it because it was the right thing. It was for the best. For everyone."  
  
"I..." Xander paused, then closed his eyes and considered. *Well, if I had told the truth... she might have held back... and if she did...* he shuddered involuntarily at the thought.  
  
He opened his eyes and nodded. "Thanks, Leo. You always seem to know just what to say."  
  
"It's a gift," Leo shrugged. "Now scoot, so I can get back to work on this stubborn sink."  
  
"I'm scooting, I'm scooting," Xander laughed as he, well... scooted.  
  
As the Whitelighter watched his charge leave the kitchen, he smiled and murmured, "Good luck, Xander. You'll make a fine Whitelighter."  
  
Leo was damn proud of this particular charge.  
  
* * *  
  
Author's Postscript:  
  
Okay, this one just wouldn't leave me alone. I was working on an RPG (one based off the challenge I posted awhile back), and the idea of Xander being one of Leo's charges just popped in my head.  
  
For those who care, I _am_ working on my other 'fics, so don't fret. 


	2. A Moment of Pain

Title: A Moment of Pain (1/1)  
  
Author: Cyclone  
  
Feedback: Please be gentle.  
  
Distribution: Gimme credit and a link. Plus, archived at http://fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=62966 or http://fanfiction.net/~cyclone  
  
Rating: I'm gonna go say PG.  
  
Spoilers: Up to somewhere in season four.  
  
Disclaimer: The characters depicted herein belong to other people. I'm just borrowing them for a while.  
  
Summary: Where does the Heart turn for emotional support?  
  
Author's Note: Well, looks like my muse is on a roll here.  
  
* * *  
  
Xander shuffled toward his home, looking at his feet wearily. It had been a _long_ day at work. He wondered where the others were.  
  
Probably off doing college stuff. Without him, as usual.  
  
Of course, Giles was probably at home, but Spike was probably there too. He wasn't _that_ desperate.  
  
Unfortunately, as he was busy looking at his feet, he wasn't looking where he was going.  
  
WHAM!  
  
Xander sprawled on the ground and shook his head clear. He crawled over to the person he'd run into, "Oh, my God, I'm sorry, man, I... Leo?"  
  
The handyman rubbed his head and chuckled, "We've got to stop meeting like this, Xander." As they picked themselves, up Leo cocked an eyebrow at the uniform Xander wore, "Doublemeat Palace?"  
  
Xander closed his eyes and groaned, "Don't, Leo, please."  
  
"If you say say so," Leo said. "C'mon, how about we get a drink?"  
  
It was Xander's turn to raise an eyebrow.  
  
"Not _that_ kind of drink."  
  
"Sure."  
  
* * *  
  
"So, what's new in your life, Xander?"  
  
Xander waved it off, "Not much. My friends have all gone off to college, and I'm bouncing from job to job."  
  
"That bothers you, doesn't it?"  
  
"Huh?" Xander blinked, then shrugged. "Yeah, I guess it does. I feel like... I dunno, like we're drifting apart. Like they don't need me anymore."  
  
"Xander, you know that's not true," Leo said sternly. "They're your friends. You've always been there for them, and they know it. Trust me. When the time comes, they'll be there for you too. You don't make friends with the wrong kind of people, Xander. That's just not who you are."  
  
Xander nodded reluctantly, "Yeah, I guess you're right. Thanks, Leo."  
  
"Anytime, Xander. Anytime."  
  
* * *  
  
Author's Postscript:  
  
Blech. There it is again. You could probably expect more in the Moments series, now, since my muse is on a roll here. 


	3. A Moment of Truth

Title: A Moment of Truth (1/1)  
  
Author: Cyclone  
  
Feedback: Please be gentle.  
  
Distribution: Gimme credit and a link. Plus, archived at http://fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=62966 or http://fanfiction.net/~cyclone  
  
Rating: I'm gonna go say PG.  
  
Spoilers: Up to Triangle.  
  
Disclaimer: The characters depicted herein belong to other people. I'm just borrowing them for a while.  
  
Summary: Xander learns about his destiny.  
  
Author's Note: Man, this thing just keeps coming.  
  
* * *  
  
Xander looked around. The place was... white. Lots and lots of white.  
  
"Where am I?"  
  
"Heaven, I guess you could call it," a familiar voice replied.  
  
He turned, "Leo?"  
  
The handyman smiled. "Yeah, it's me."  
  
Xander's eyes narrowed, "You never were just a handyman, were you?"  
  
"You catch on quick," Leo said, his smile broadening. "I'm a Whitelighter. Sort of a guardian angel for good people like you. Why do you think I was always around when you needed someone to talk to?"  
  
"Okay," Xander nodded. He could accept that, though he wondered just why _he_, of all people, would deserve a "Whitelighter." He was no hero. "But what am I doing here? I didn't die, did I?"  
  
"Actually," Leo tilted his head to the side, "you kind of did."  
  
Xander paled, "How?"  
  
"Come on, did you really think you'd survive a direct hit to the head from a troll hammer? The Elders chose to send you back immediately so you could keep your cover, but we brought you up here now to give you a choice."  
  
"'Cover'? 'Choice'?"  
  
Leo smiled, "They want you to become a Whitelighter, Xander, like me."  
  
"_Me_? Why?"  
  
"Because you're a good man," Leo said. "You're a good listener."  
  
"Okay," Xander said, "but what does it mean, to be a Whitelighter?"  
  
"You were my charge, Xander," Leo said, "and what I did for you, you'll do for your new charges. If you refuse, you get to continue on into the afterlife, but if you accept, you go back down there and guide your new charges, giving them the emotional support they need when they need it, like I did for you."  
  
"And my charges will be...?"  
  
"I can't tell you that," Leo shrugged. "I don't know. The Elders just wanted me here to explain what a Whitelighter is." He suddenly paused and tilted his head, as if listening to something, "I have to go."  
  
Leo vanished in a sparkle of blue and white.  
  
"Whoa."  
  
"Alexander Harris," a robed figure stepped into view. "Do you accept?"  
  
Xander thought for a moment, then nodded, "Yeah, I do." He couldn't turn his back on someone who needed him.  
  
"And that is why you were chosen," the Elder said, as if he'd read his thoughts. Xander could almost swear he sensed a smile hidden in that hood.  
  
Xander blinked and sucked in a breath as he felt the power and knowledge flow into him, and he suddenly knew what being a Whitelighter meant, what his powers and duties were, and what was forbidden.  
  
And who his charges were.  
  
Xander frowned, "Dawn? Why would she need a Whitelighter?"  
  
"You will learn that in due time, Whitelighter," the Elder said. "Now go, attend to your duties."  
  
Xander nodded and orbed back to Earth.  
  
* * *  
  
Author's Postscript:  
  
Well, the thought was bugging me. I mean, a troll god hammer that could put a serious hurt on Glory doesn't even give a concussion to a mere mortal like Xander? Doesn't fly, IMO. 


	4. A Moment of Rage

Title: A Moment of Rage (1/1)  
  
Author: Cyclone  
  
Feedback: Please be gentle.  
  
Distribution: Gimme credit and a link. Plus, archived at http://fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=62966 or http://fanfiction.net/~cyclone  
  
Rating: I'm gonna go say PG.  
  
Spoilers: Up to The Gift and All Hell Breaks Loose.  
  
Disclaimer: The characters depicted herein belong to other people. I'm just borrowing them for a while.  
  
Summary: Xander deals with Buffy's second death.  
  
Author's Note: Running out of things to say, here.  
  
* * *  
  
Xander stiffened when he sensed Leo orb in behind him. He whirled and looked at Leo, "What are you doing here?"  
  
Leo flinched, "The Elders wanted me to talk to you, to explain things before they gave you back your wings."  
  
"_They_ did this?!" Xander demanded. "They clipped my wings and let Buffy die? And they didn't have the guts to tell me themselves?"  
  
"They had good reasons, Xander," Leo said calmly. "And you may be a Whitelighter now, but you're still my charge, given your unique position."  
  
"What reasons? Damn it, Leo, I just lost Buffy!"  
  
"I know! I've been a Whitelighter for over fifty years, Xander. I know what it's like to lose a charge. I just lost Prue myself."  
  
"She was more than just my charge, Leo! She was my friend!"  
  
"And Prue was my sister-in-law!" Leo shot back. Collecting himself, he said, "All Whitelighters love their charges, Xander, us more than most, and all Whitelighters lose them. You have to accept that. At least you're not _married_ to one of yours."  
  
"I could have saved her!"  
  
"No, you couldn't have," Leo said flatly. "They showed me all the possibilities. If you'd orbed up there after hitting Glory with the wrecking ball, you would've stopped them both from jumping, and the world would have paid the price."  
  
"Fine, I could've orbed up there before Doc started cutting into Dawn."  
  
"You needed to hit Glory with that wrecking ball, or she wouldn't have been stopped, and then... _all_ your charges would be dead."  
  
Xander blanched at the thought.  
  
"Understand this, Xander," Leo said. "You did not fail her. No one did. It was her time to go, and you can't stop the angel of death."  
  
Xander nodded, looking away, "All right, I get it already. Not my fault. Not the Elders' fault."  
  
After a long pause, Xander looked up, "So, you and Piper finally got hitched? Bet the Elders pitched a fit over that."  
  
"Well, they weren't too happy about it, that's for sure," Leo said wryly. "Are you okay?"  
  
"Well, I'm not happy, but I'm not about to orb up there and rip the Elders a new one. I'll deal."  
  
"Good. I-I guess I'd better get going."  
  
"Yeah," Xander nodded, "with Prue dead, her sisters are gonna need you now more than ever."  
  
Leo smiled at Xander's understanding and orbed home.  
  
* * *  
  
Author's Postscript:  
  
There's another one for ya. At least two more are on the way. 


	5. A Moment of Doubt

Title: A Moment of Doubt (1/1)  
  
Author: Cyclone  
  
Feedback: Please be gentle.  
  
Distribution: Gimme credit and a link. Plus, archived at http://fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=62966 or http://fanfiction.net/~cyclone  
  
Rating: I'm gonna go say PG.  
  
Spoilers: Up to Grave and Witch Way Now?  
  
Disclaimer: The characters depicted herein belong to other people. I'm just borrowing them for a while.  
  
Summary: Xander worries about his performance as a Whitelighter.  
  
Author's Note: Running out of things to say, here.  
  
* * *  
  
"Xander?"  
  
"Leo," Xander turned. "How're the girls?"  
  
"They're doing okay," Leo said. "Phoebe's shaken by... recent events with Cole."  
  
Xander shook his head, "It bothers me, Leo. This whole Cole thing... it's like Angel all over again."  
  
"I know," Leo said. "If only..."  
  
"If only," Xander snorted. "If only Angel's curse didn't have that loophole, if only he'd known about the clause, if only Buffy had kept him out of her pants. We can't live on 'if only's, Leo." He shook his head, "What brings you here? Shouldn't you be with them?"  
  
"You," Leo said simply. "You didn't fail, Xander."  
  
"Didn't I?" Xander asked. "Leo, one of my charges was literally sleeping with the enemy, while another nearly destroyed the world we're _supposed_ to be protecting!"  
  
"But the world's still here," Leo said, "and Buffy's getting better, connecting to the rest of you. Xander, you're a Whitelighter, not a god. You can't help it if they choose to ignore your guidance."  
  
"Maybe not, but I should have tried harder," Xander said softly. "I should have known something was wrong with Buffy. I should have sensed it."  
  
"Xander..."  
  
"Leo, you can sense what your charges are going through halfway around the world, but I can't sense what Buffy's feeling when she's in the same room!"  
  
"It's the Hellmouth, Xander," Leo explained. "It interferes with our senses, and it takes a lot of experience to break through it. That's why the Elders only assigned you charges here in Sunnydale. You know that."  
  
Xander shook his head, "Maybe, but I... I just feel like I failed. I mean, none of _your_ charges ever tried to end the world."  
  
Leo snorted, "No, but one _did_ become queen of all evil."  
  
Xander stared, "Okay, ya got me there. You didn't tell me about that."  
  
"We were so busy trying to deal with it, I didn't have time," Leo shrugged. "Cole was taken over by the Source. He fought it, but it wasn't enough. He even tried to become human again, transferring his powers to a wizard, and he almost succeeded, but Phoebe... she killed the wizard and chose to be his queen. We almost didn't get her back."  
  
After a moment, Xander commented, "We've got some really screwed up charges, don't we, Leo?"  
  
"That we do. You okay now?"  
  
Xander nodded, "Yes, I am, sir."  
  
Leo shook his head, "Don't 'sir' me. I was just a medic." With that, he orbed out.  
  
"A medic?" Xander blinked in confusion.  
  
* * *  
  
Author's Postscript:  
  
One more to go to finish up the Moments series. 


	6. A Moment of Change

Title: A Moment of Change (1/1)  
  
Author: Cyclone  
  
Feedback: Please be gentle.  
  
Distribution: Gimme credit and a link. Plus, archived at http://fanfiction.net/profile.php?userid=62966 or http://fanfiction.net/~cyclone  
  
Rating: I'm gonna go say PG.  
  
Spoilers: Up to Chosen and Oh My Goddess.  
  
Disclaimer: The characters depicted herein belong to other people. I'm just borrowing them for a while.  
  
Summary: In the aftermath, a Whitelighter gets reassigned.  
  
Author's Note: This is probably going to be the last installment of the Moments series.  
  
* * *  
  
Xander walked through the darkened streets of Oxnard, California. His hand reached up and touched his eyepatch. He didn't dare heal himself and risk revealing his true nature, so he had left the wound as it was, just as he had refrained from healing Buffy's bullet wound completely a year earlier; he'd done just enough to ensure her survival.  
  
That was when he heard the Elder's summons.  
  
*Good,* he thought. *I guess the orbing restriction's been lifted. Maybe I can get some answers now.*  
  
He orbed up and looked around in surprise. The place was in shambles. An Elder stepped toward him and doffed his hood. Xander blinked.  
  
"_Leo_?"  
  
The new Elder nodded, "Yeah, it's me."  
  
"What happened here?" Xander asked. "It looks like a tornado hit the place."  
  
"Not quite," Leo said. "The titans got up here. Most of the Elders are dead."  
  
"Where are the titans now?" Xander asked, alarmed.  
  
"Gone," Leo said. "I empowered the Charmed Ones as gods, and Piper vanquished them."  
  
"They're gods now?" Xander sputtered, reaching Defcon 2.  
  
"No," Leo shook his head. "After the battle was over, I stripped them of their godhood."  
  
Xander sighed in relief. That kind of power could easily go to someone's head. He'd seen it himself in his own charges on a smaller scale.  
  
After a long moment, he broke the silence and said, "So, you're an Elder now."  
  
Leo nodded.  
  
"How's Piper taking it?"  
  
"Not well, but I did what I could to help her move on."  
  
"So... what now?"  
  
"Now... you've been reassigned."  
  
"What?" Xander sputtered. "But what about...?"  
  
"They don't need a Whitelighter, Xander," Leo said. "Not anymore. But the Charmed Ones do."  
  
"They have you," Xander protested.  
  
"Not anymore," Leo repeated sadly, shaking his head. "I've got too much to do up here as an Elder."  
  
"Can I at least tell the others?"  
  
"It's against policy," Leo said, then smiled. "But then again, I'm an Elder now, so I _make_ policy. Go ahead, say your goodbyes."  
  
"Thank you, Elder," Xander said formally, bowing and orbing out.  
  
* * *  
  
"Xander, what's going on?" Buffy asked, slightly annoyed. The meeting he'd called had interrupted a training session, and the four of them -- Buffy, Dawn, Giles, and Willow -- were now here, waiting for Xander to speak.  
  
"I have an announcement -- and a confession -- to make to all of you," he said. "I'm not human, not anymore. I haven't been for some time now."  
  
Buffy tensed, but Giles calmly asked, "What are you, then?"  
  
"A Whitelighter," Xander said, pulling off the eyepatch and reaching up to the scarred and empty socket. The scarred tissue glowed faintly. After a moment, the glow faded, and his eye was restored.  
  
Giles's eyes widened. "My word," he murmured, stunned. "A real Whitelighter."  
  
Willow was equally shocked, but Buffy was just confused and a little apprehensive, while Dawn simply nodded, accepting that and waiting for Xander to explain.  
  
"Um, what's a Whitelighter?" Buffy asked, raising a hand.  
  
"H-he's an angel," Willow whispered shakily. "A-a guardian angel to guide good witches."  
  
"Not just witches, Willow," Xander said, shaking his head. "You, Tara, Buffy, and Dawn were all my charges."  
  
"Me?" Dawn frowned.  
  
"You," Xander nodded. "Being the sister of the Slayer has its own troubles, Key business aside."  
  
"I thought Whitelighters had to be dead," Giles frowned.  
  
Xander shrugged, "I did die. When Olaf the troll clobbered me." He paused as he let that sink in, then said, "But that's not why I called everyone here. Buff, Wills, Dawnie... I've been reassigned."  
  
"'Reassigned'? What does that mean?" Willow asked in a small voice. She had an idea what that meant, but she didn't like it. She hoped she was wrong.  
  
"It means I'm leaving, Willow."  
  
"No!" the redhead cried. "You can't leave! We need you!" Her voice dropped as she added petulantly, "_I_ need you."  
  
"No. You don't," he shook his head, smiling faintly. "Goodbye. I love you. All of you."  
  
He closed his eyes and vanished in a sparkle of blue and white.  
  
* * *  
  
"Hi. Piper? Phoebe? Paige?"  
  
Piper frowned, looking cautiously at the stranger in their house, ready to blow him up if he so much as blinked wrong.  
  
Phoebe eyed the newcomer speculatively. He was pretty cute... but knowing her luck, if he _was_ single, he was probably a demon or something like that.  
  
Finally, Paige broke the silence, "Who wants to know?"  
  
"Xander Harris. I'm your new Whitelighter."  
  
* * *  
  
Author's Postscript:  
  
And that finishes up the Moments collection. 


End file.
